


catastrophe.

by du soleil (IridescentAesthete)



Series: view from the clouds [chanbaek shorts] [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotions, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25716136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IridescentAesthete/pseuds/du%20soleil
Summary: a lesson of growth between two lovers.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Series: view from the clouds [chanbaek shorts] [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1854841
Kudos: 15





	catastrophe.

**_catastrophe._ **

"why do i always do that to myself?"

chanyeol looks up from his spot on the bed and quirks a brow at the older. baekhyun sits back in the computer chair in their room, staring up at the ceiling.

"do you want to elaborate?" chanyeol asks, setting his book down. he shifts under the covers and leans back onto the headboard. baekhyun sighs, mood already beginning to shift. he stands and crawls onto the bed and onto chanyeol's empty lap, curing into the younger's chest.

"i feel like i'm in outer space, chan. i feel weird," baekhyun voices. chanyeol wraps his arms around the smaller and kisses the top of his head.

"do whatever you need to do, baekhyun." he feels a nod against his chest and hears another sigh.

"i think i just need this," baekhyun mumbles. he grabs at the blanket to cover himself and allows his body to be enveloped in warmth. the room is quiet save for their even breaths.

chanyeol tucks the older in on his chest and ignores the ache in his back as he caresses baekhyun's back and arm. baekhyun whines a bit before falling into slumber.

chanyeol wakes up to soft sniffles and a wet shirt. he looks down and baekhyun is staring at the window with tears painting paths upon his cheeks and across the bridge of his nose, eyes glossed over with unreadable emotion— or lack thereof.

"baekhyun, look at me." the older blinks a few times and slowly looks up at chanyeol. chanyeol swipes away the stray tears and pats at the red skin.

"catastrophizing again?" he whispers. baekhyun's eyes water again and he knows the answer. he doesn't ask baekhyun for a verbal response, but baekhyun speaks up again.

"i feel so guilty, chan. i feel terrible." chanyeol feels baekhyun's sobs begin to rack, the sniffing more frequent, shaky heaves beginning to make their presence known. chanyeol's shirt is soaked, but he doesn't find it in himself to care.

"i got you, i got you… come here, baekhyun," he mumbles gently. his arms wrap around the smaller again and he sits up to rock the two of them back and forth. baekhyun clings to him with a newfound desperation. they sit there and rock for a few minutes as baekhyun hiccups and wails.

"my brain is out of control," baekhyun starts, wiping at his cheeks. "i don't know why it keeps doing it, chanyeol. i have no one to blame but myself." he sniffs and rests his head against the younger. chanyeol exhales and pats baekhyun's hair comfortingly.

"i won't tell you it's not your fault because you're right, baekhyun. it's your brain and i can't change that for you," he starts, gazing at the opposite wall with the painting. "but i know that you can fix it, too. i'm confident that you can control your thoughts, even if it's hard. i want you to try your best, okay? for you.

"change won't bloom from a flower you stomp on and yell 'grow faster' at, and it won't bloom from one that you overwater. growth doesn't work that way, so don't force it on yourself." he feels baekhyun nod against his chest and take deeper breaths.

"do you want to talk about what happened?" baekhyun hesitates before he turns in chanyeol's hold, facing their bedroom door. he clings onto the younger's shirt and nods affirmatively. chanyeol stays quiet and gives him time, leaning back onto the headboard again.

"i emailed my director asking to take personal time off. that's all that happened. but my mind is making situations of it, telling me that i shouldn't have asked. i should be working. i shouldn't be asking for help or time off. he's going to cut me from the cast.

"i know i shouldn't be thinking it, but the thoughts just overtook me." chanyeol hums and silence cuts through the air before he speaks again.

"i know it's difficult. i can't change your thinking, but i'm here to listen to you conduct those thoughts if you want. i'm here, baek," he reminds baekhyun, kissing his head again. baekhyun sighs and nods again, sinking into the embrace.

"i'm going to sleep again," baekhyun announces. he shifts and moves to the mattress, off of chanyeol's torso, and chanyeol cracks his own back. baekhyun mumbles an apology and they chuckle.

"do you want me to stay?" chanyeol asks, caressing baekhyun's shoulder. baekhyun looks up at him from his position and nods.

"i want you to stay because i love you, whether my brain is malfunctioning or not." chanyeol smiles and slips his body under the blanket next to baekhyun and the two mold together like clay.

"i love you whether your brain is cooperating or not, baekhyun," chanyeol mumbles. baekhyun smiles back at him and leaves a kiss on his lips. the two tangle together at last and the hours of a midsummer day slip through their fingertips as they slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> this was spur of the moment, but i wrote it because i was catastrophizing something minor that happened. now, i'm fine, because like this baekhyun, my brain isn't under control and often i will catastrophize then proceed to be absolutely fine. i still feel it's important for me to write and publish this as it makes me feel accomplished, plus there are some important things i learned about my thinking as i wrote it.
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this one! i didn't expect another mental health word vomit, but it happened! and that's okay. i hope you are all okay with expressing your worries through writing, too. it's not for everyone, but for those who find it a way to release, we are in the same boat and i'd row to the ends of the ocean with you.
> 
> i hope you're all having a good day. i love you ♡


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